Monday, August 31, 2009

Control Your F’ing Kids!

As a parent this is at the forefront of my mind. Bullying! For 2 reasons-
1.I DO NOT want my girls to be bullied
2.I DO NOT want my girls to be bullies

Whether children are getting bullied OR are bullies, both are going to have physiological issues now and possibly later in life.

This follows the TRAGIC death of a 15 year old boy who was KILLED due to bullying last week.

Where does it start and how do we stop it?
It starts from the beginning babies and toddlers for example-

Yesterday Maddison had a Party at a Play Centre and she went into a section and as she opened the door a boy (who she doesn’t know) Pushed her, his Mum right by his side didn’t say anything! I just looked at her and kept walking. Maddison was in the ball pit and this boy picked up a Xylophone and throws it at her head! Again the Mum WATCHED and said/did NOTHING! I gave her a filthy look, shook my head and walked off.

Control Your F’ing Kid!

I don’t get angry at the bullies I get angry at the parents because 9 times out 10 they are just trying to get attention. So don’t be so selfish teach your kid right from wrong and give the poor kid a cuddle that’s what he really wants!

But most Parents don’t see that, they just assume that’s the way they are because they have just ALWAYS been rough. NO it is YOUR creation!

Back to this 15 year old!
Not only has it destroyed the lives of his friends and family which is just horrible. But what happens to this boy who killed him? He is now labeled are murderer outcast by everyone who knows him. How do you think he is going to feel, he has to live with this. I will put my hand up that he is not a bad person but he will think he is and I pray to god that he does not follow that path and that he gets the appropriate help.

Where are his Parents and where were the teachers?
The teachers admitted to turning a blind eye and one would assume his parents were oblivious to this.

Two boys who thought they were men stubborn, tough, thinking they are untouchable and just having a school yard brawl now has cost them a life, a young life. It’s disgusting; it’s tragic and just so wrong on so many levels.

Behavior like that doesn’t just happen over night. That happens over a young lifetime bought on by bad parenting.
Listen to your kids, know what is happening in their lives, be there for them, talk to them, cuddle them. Do you know what’s happening in you Child's life, really?
Don’t pretend that the problem isn’t there; don’t be in denial and think that your kids are angels. It is a life that is at stake and I really think that we as parents as teachers we sometimes under estimate what a HUGE role we play into creating the adults these children will eventually become.

What we teaching our children?

We ALL know that our children are walking sponges and are at times little clones of ourselves. So what are you creating?

I was shocked and appalled when a one of my readers emailed me this-

The year 5/6 students of our school has a 'dance' approaching. This is where the children are up on stage and do a few dances for their parents.

The children do dress nicely for the occasion however;
Some mothers are talking of having their daughters spray tanned, prior. Not only spray tanned but false nails and hair to be done at the hairdressers. Hair well maybe but not a necessity washing it would suffice, though honestly do they really require spray tans and fake nails?

Is this saying to their daughters, for you to look good when you go out, you really ought to have all these things done otherwise you are not beautiful?

Why are parents so hell bent on fulfilling THEIR desires and what THEY believe would make them look better? Shouldn't the daughter grow up believing she is naturally beautiful and if she chooses to spray tan, have false nails, wear makeup when she is more age appropriate then that is fine.

And we wonder why girls are suffering from no self respect. This one definitely begins at home.

What The? Are these Mother’s on CRACK? That is the most ridiculous thing I HAVE ever heard!
Now you know me I am ALL FOR “Looking great means feeling great”. However I am referring to adults, kids need to be kids and they are ALL adorable and need NONE of that crap.
•Spray Tan- Get of the grass
•Hair Done- I am a hairdresser by trade and it has always blown me away when these CHILDREN are getting they hair done, not cut styled.
•Nails- Really, Is there any need? Whack some polish on her yourself you lazy cow. Have some Mother and Daughter time, she’ll love it.
•Make up- Bloody Hell! Put gloss on her that is MORE then enough! Make up on young girls, they look like prostitutes. It’s wrong!

The BIGGEST gift you can give your child is confidence! Confidence in who they are, love them, support them and KNOW THEM and grow with them.


Michelle Hayward & Family said...

Well hear bloody hear to that post! Totally agree! It's late and I would go on and on. Suffice to say I have a 15 yr old son who is the victim of relentless bullying! I am NOT a litigious person, NEVER have been ... BUT I am fast thinking it's the only way to get things done. The school have a duty of care to protect my son! I have warned them now... if so much as ONE hair on his head is harmed, you will be sued from here to kingdom bloody come!!! So good luck with that!

Susan from Agoo said...

I was the victim of bullying until I was about 15. Once I got Yr 11/5th form the bullies left school and it was ok to be involved in school activities and take pride in school work, in fact it made me popular. I just put up and shut up, my parents didn't even know, but it was a kinder world, without the extra ways using technology to bully that kids endure now.
As for inappropriate dress on little girls, yikes. I have two princesses and I do not look forward to having this battle as they grow up.
Great post!

Bra Queen said...

Thank you Michelle and Susan for your comments.

Michelle I really hope it gets all sorted for you, it a horrible feeling because you would just feel useless but being there for him is a start and I would continue to speak to the teachers, surely they would take a better interest since last weeks accident.

Susan, I was bullied too then we moved away (not because of bullying)and I was liked by everyone I know which one I preferred! I have 2 girls too we do girly things all the time but there is a line! I have a few years up my sleeve as well.

Love & Honesty
Renee xx

Anonymous said...

Great post Renee.

How many more children have to be emotionally or physically injured before our community steps and say enough is enough about bullying?

The only acceptable policy is ZERO tolerance for bulliers. Do it once and be removed from the school. No questions. The majority has the right to be educated without fear or disruption.

I also think we need to introduce a breeding license. Potential parents have to attend and pass parenting skills courses before they are allowed to raise children. I had to study and train for four years to become an electrician. Both things if done incorrectly can harm and potentially kill people so what's the difference.

Also one thing Renee: Don't just glare at the parents of children doing thing to your kids at Play Centre. Call them on it or raise the issue with the managers of the premises. Zero tolerance must start somewhere.

Anonymous said...

To zero tolerance, fantastic comment I could not agree more.
Michelle & Susan, I hear you and feel for you and loved your comments too.
I went to my son's school to request that he not be in the same class as a particular boy next year and upon discussing this found out that a few weeks ago this same boy had my son's head and was hitting it up against a brick wall in the boys toilets. The school never thought to inform me prior. Talk about feeling extremely ANGRY. My son befriends this child just out of fear.
My next challenge is to have him open up to me more as I do not want him to keep this to himself.
I am still wondering what actions are being carried out by the school to assess this boy. I am told a report will follow.

Bra Queen said...

Thank you for your 2 comments above and I couldn't agree more. I am going to research this more with a couple of contacts I know and see if there is something we can do or come up with.

Anonymous said...

While I understand the need to get your son to open up about the situation the first thing you should do is inform the school that you are going to the police to have charges laid again the boy who assaulted your son...that's right your son was not bullied he was assaulted. This is no longer a school playground incident that needs some sort of administrative assessment and report it is a crime. If the same thing happened between two adults in a workplace it would be a crime wouldn't it?

These things will only stop when there are consequences for the perpetrator (the bully) and consequences for the unwitting accomplices (the school staff who let it continue).

I hope your son is coping and the trauma for him ends soon.

Amanda said...

Great post Renee!

Just did one myself of this "village" we live in.

I, sadly, think it goes way beyond parenting. All of those in power are blaming someone else, and no one has the guts to enforce anything.

Even in this case you speak of, and two the week prior - the schools all claimed they had 'dealt with the bullying problem'. Yeah, clearly!


Bra Queen said...

You're right it is assault! It's really disgusting, does it not just make you feel sick knowing thought your poor boy was helpless in a place where they should be safe.
I agree Amanda! We can and should control there enviroment at home but what about the places that are out of our control? It does take a village. Where the bloody hell as the village gone!
I agree people we DO need a breeding licence!

Anonymous said...

What an awesome post you hit the nail on the head, parents take responsibility for your children & teach them right from wrong from the start! And yes let little girls be little girls not little hookers!

Michelle Hayward & Family said...

I too have previously done a post on 'school bullying'! My argument is the same "Pull the little brats out that do these crimes... and it is a crime because it's assault" and the let the rest of the school get on with learning. Stop giving me the BS story they have a right to learn too! Yes, and my child has the right to learn without fear for his life. NO CHILD SHOULD DIE AT SCHOOL AT THE HANDS OF ANOTHER!
ZERO TOLERANCE are the only 2 words I want to hear in relation to this story! If they do the crime, they can damn well do the bloody time. Send them to juvenile detention - maybe it will save some of them! But stop 'allowing' them to get away with it! Schools, Government etc... are committing sins of CO-MISSION by allowing it to continue. They are advocating it by not stopping it. Of course it's very much in the news when a child dies, but it shouldn't get to this! Assault is assault. Charge them! Stop it now! Before any more children end up in boxes! We condone what we do not stop!
Parents are screaming for help, kids are crying out to be heard. SLAM BULLYING by punishing the crime. Suspending these bratpacks does NOT WORK!
Be serious about punishment and not half-hearted. Set a precedence and the kids will learn - this has to stop!

Also remember that Governments and do-gooders don't believe in punishment, smacking etc....
So we have a generation of kids used to doing what ever the hell they want. Some parents TRY to discipline their children but it falls flat when they are reported. I don't mean child abuse, I mean genuine cases of 'smacking' to admonish the child APPROPRIATELY! As a victim of child abuse I DO NOT CONDONE it!

Problem is, spare the rod and spoil the child. These kids are spoiled!!! Mum and Dad work, because they have to, little johnny or mary become latchkey kids, people can't afford childcare, and some people just don't care, families breakdown for many reasons, things fall apart, jobs are lost, people become homeless etc...

One child who was bullying my son comes from a very unhappy background. It's never an excuse, but I understand this kid better now and I get it. I feel sad for him. He doesn't have loving parents. He is lashing out! We have to get 'home' right, get our kids right... back it comes back to the generation before to some degree. I could blame my childhood, instead I've done something with my life - but not everybody can do that. Some people make it and some people don't. We have to help those that don't/can't! There are many variables to this, but that said... again... BULLYING CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE regardless of the reason.
Kids need to learn, problems aren't solved with fists and guns!!!

Anonymous said...


I agree with everything you say except the bit about where you say smacking is OK.

Explain to me how an adult hitting a child in any way is NOT assualt, especially when you take into account the considerable physical and emotional power difference between an adult and a child. This is surely something you as a fellow child abuse survivor would understand all too well.

I am not saying there should be no punishment but trying to control one form of assualt with another form of assault does not make sense to me.

BTW I am the original "zero tolerance" anonymous poster above so I am fundamentally on your side.

Michelle Hayward & Family said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yvonne Adele said...

Hi R. Great post. I was recently at an indoor play centre with my 7yr old daughter and 4yr old son.. An 8yr old girl was following them around and pushing them and bumping them. It was really bugging them so I told them to move away from where she was playing. The girl followed. I quietly asked the girl to let them play on their own. She kept following and pushing them in the back. I found her 'responsible parent' and explained to him what was going on and said 'I've asked my kids to play on their own, so if you wouldn't mind doing the same with yours that would be great..?' He dragged himself out of his newspaper and said 'they are just kids, you idiot, stay out of it!' and growled at me. I said 'um... no.. it's gone beyond that.. she's being inappropriate with the pushing and I need you to help me break it up' and he said 'oh, I'll push you if you don't piss off'. So I pissed off because my heart started racing at this point.. and I decided to call our visit to the play centre short and get the hell out of there (wondering if he'd meet me in the car park!). He called his kid over and HIT HER and told her not to play near my kids.
Then I just felt awful. When she walked off I took a deep breath + said to him 'ok, NOW I understand why she pushes and shoves and hits. NOW I GET IT. I see. Poor little thing.. she has no choice.. of course that's what she's going to do.' So I walked off, over to the play equipment to closely supervise all of them and try to teach her a DIFFERENT way to get attention... Maybe for a tiny snippet of her life, I wanted to show her that an adult could get her to do something without overpowering her.

Bra Queen said...

That just gave me goose bumps! That is horrible. Why is it when these things happen you always have to 'go and find the parent'.
Poor little kid! This is what I mean she just wants and deserves attention, I bet she is not a bad person. Parents are so busy and career orientated that these poor kids are just left to fend for themselves it's just not right.
Don't get me wrong my daughter sometimes pushes and hits but I make sure I am there to monitor and stop it and she does not get away with it because it is not OK.
I was a victim of child abuse so will NEVER hit my girls, personally I feel like I would be contradicting myself if I did. However I do not judge others that do but I do think that there are other ways to punish a child.
Michelle it was a great response and you raise some really good points.

Mmmmm thinking thinking......

Imogen Lamport said...

Great and topical post. I'm from the anti-smacking side of the fence - all it teaches is that if you're bigger and stronger you can get your way through brute force - which is not something I want to teach my kids.

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