Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

People want different things from a relationship. Some want to be in love, some want to a casual sexual relationship, some want romance, some want a provider, some want someone who they can be close to...a friend.

It takes time to find someone who wants the same as you. There are also pressures from friends and family about relationships and it can be hard to figure out what it is you actually want. Whether you are single and looking for love or are in a relationship it is important that you-

Take time and ask yourself;

* What I do want from a relationship?
* What do I want?
* What qualities do I like in person
* What are some of my qualities that will appeal to others?
* What don't I want and like?

A healthy relationship is based on respect

Respect is when you are treated fairly and they accept you for who you are and what you have to say.

A healthy relationship is when:

* You have fun together
* You can both be yourself
* You have a friendship, not just a physical relationship
* You can have different opinions and interests without being pressured to change your mind.
* You listen to each other
* You both compromise
* You know you can spend time with other people and not be together all the time

Is Jealously love?

Jealously at first may seem like passion, love or romance but when someone uses anger or jealously to try and control what you do then that is an act that they are trying to own you. This isn't love...it's control

Warning Signs of an abusive relationship

Any one of these things is enough to indicate that something isn't right whether you realise it or not... or maybe you know and you're dismissing it?

* Controls you- wants to know your every move and checks up on you and won't allow you to make decisions.

* Is jealous- is suspicious of you and you find yourself always watching what or when you say something in case it upsets them.

* Isolates you- Cuts you off from friends, family and even themselves.

* Lacks respect- puts you down, criticises you a lot and makes you feel bad about yourself.

* Is often angry- angers easily, yells and shouts; complains about other people; makes harsh judgements about others; becomes really annoyed with anyone who doesn't agree with them.

* Blames everybody else- Blames everything on other people and never admits or apologies for their mistakes.

* Pressures you- Pressures you to say or do things you don't want to do.

Often the word abuse or abusive is easily dismissed because we tend to think of it as domestic violence and sexual however abuse includes-

* Emotional
* Physical
* Sexual
* Financial
* Social

What to do?

Working out whether to stay with someone or break up with them will be the hardest decision you will have to make especially if you have children. Maybe you love them, you feel like you'd be nothing without them or lost without them. You'll have to start again. Maybe you feel trapped or scared of what they might do if you leave.

Talk to someone it will help you decide what to do, you don't have to go through this alone. Talk to a friend, family or a counsellor....but talk.


* Tell someone and ask for help you can not control their anger.
* Have a code word that you can use with a friend so if you're in danger you can let them know.
* Contact 000 (Australia) or the emergency number in your country
* Always have money available
* Apply for an AVO- Apprehended Violence Order.
* Contact a counselling service or a helpline.

Emergency- 000
Police- 131 444
Kids Helpline- 1800 551 800
Domestic Violence Line- 1800 67 14 42

Although you are scared of the unknown and you feel you are alone you are not there are people with you all the way.

Star in a Bra Top 10

Curvy Kate has just released the Top 10 in their Star in a Bra contest, every year Curvy Kate search for their real woman model in the Star in a Bra contest.
Now it is time for you to have your say...it's time to vote. Who do you like?
I'm leading towards Anna B myself.

We are seeing a whole lot more of lingerie companies conducting contests like this. Recently Marks & Spencer announced they are looking for a DD Cup+ model. Which is great because more people are becoming aware of the fact that people prefer to see real woman. Lets see how real they go shall we... we all know big companies play it safe and don't often think outside the square.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Suicide and Depression

I recently received this message-

I live in a small town like you once did. I have just gone though the hardest week of my life. I have just lost a friend that killed himself because he was going through a hard time?
Sorry I'm writing to you about something like this!!! But I just don't get it.
Ive done it hard over the years, but just cant get my head around why someone that has so many friends and family, goes and does this. I guess at the end of the day, I'm now sad that I have just lost a friend that I couldn't help.
Everyone that I've spoken to about (name) didn't see it coming at all, nor did I.

I can not tell you how much of an honor it is to have people come to me for advice, information or a listening ear on this. But this isn't about me... it's about understanding depression.

Before I start I have to say I have no formal qualifications in Depression, Physiology or counselling. I am a person who has spent an abundance of hours, days, weeks & months trying to reduce the stigma surrounding depression and helping others understand Depression.

The easiest way I can try to explain suicide lead from depression is... When someone dies from cancer, car accidents or heart disease we easily understand the death (it doesn't make it any less sad, just easier to understand) however because most people don't understand suicide and depression it leaves thoughts like why, how, I didn't know. Some people will even think of it as a selfish act.

If you switch your mindset so instead of thinking he commit suicide....think he died from a disease... they died from depression

Happy people do not commit suicide sad, lonely and depressed people do. Someone who suffers from depression is extremely good at hiding and disguising it. So although they may have had friends and family around them they are just unable to see a way out from the deep dark hole they are in.
There is so much help available for anyone going through this the first port of call is a GP Beyond Blue have a list of GP's who specialise in Mental Illness all you have to do is type in your postcode and a list of GP's in your area will appear.
If you urgently need to speak to someone out of hours call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

Here are some interesting facts on suicide and depression from my peeps over at SANE

Suicide, self-harm and mental illness

Having a mental illness is recognised as one of the highest risk factors for suicidal
behaviour and self-harm, yet many people do not receive the practical help they
need to reduce the risk of further attempts . . .

Does talking about suicidal feelings help?

20% Provided with suicide crisis plan
73% Talked about suicidal feelings

After a suicide attempt, are people given help to reduce the risk of it happening again?
20% Provided with suicide crisis plan
80% Not provided with suicide crisis plan

Are people at risk of suicide recognised as having a mental health problem?
64% Diagnosis of mental illness
36% No prior diagnosis

Are people provided with psychological therapy after a suicide attempt?

43% Referred for psychological therapy

Full the full report on self harm from mental illness click here

If you have lost someone from suicide you can read this to hopefully help shed some light.