Monday, October 5, 2009
Guest Post- My Story on Domestic Violence
I had to break the cycle and stop the war because I'd had enough
When I was a teenager I watched my Mum get physically abused. It was usually on weekends and alcohol was always the instigator. He was unbelievably quiet when he was sober but when he had a few drinks in him he become very violent.
He would head butt my mum, throw her against cars, throw her up against walls you name it.
My brother and I would watch so scared and I was older so I would always stop it somehow.
I hated the next day the awkwardness that we all felt. I couldn’t look him in the eye and I just had to put up with it and pretend it didn’t happen. No one knew this was going on in my house not even my closest friends.
Although I couldn’t understand why my Mum kept putting up with it, I was old enough to know and I understood that she needed someone.
He then started to become violent with my brother and I, but I am not going to go into that.
When I finished school I left home and moved quite far away. I was really scared to leave because I didn’t know what would happen to my brother and my Mum because in so many ways I was the strong one and I always stopped it.
Eventually they split up I don’t know why but I am glad they did.
As I was working hard and saving money so I could put myself through College. When I was 18 years old I meet a guy that for some reason caught my eye. I just remember telling my friend “I think I like him” and she said “BUT HE HAS TATTOOS” I said “I know but look at his smile!”
We eventually got together and lived together. I knew he drank a lot but that was kind of the town we lived in as well. But I soon found out that he was quite violent not with me but with other people when he was drinking. Always getting into fights but it was always the other guys fault.
Then on my 19th Birthday we were out celebrating and my mum was up so I was filming a band for her and he walked past me and elbowed me in the arm. When I looked he said I was flirting with a guy and when I looked at the guy he was about 80 years old!
Then one night I we were suppose to go out together but he come home so drunk that he couldn’t. When I said I was still going out he said “No! you are not” and I said “What’s good for the goose is good for the gender” WELL!
He came flying at me and he beat me to an absolute pulp to !
I ran out and I was walking and hiding when every car drove past. I saw him driving the streets looking for me. A friend come and picked me up and instantly I was playing it down.
The next day he come to me and was ever so remorseful, crying saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he would NEVER do it again and he didn’t know what came over him.
He did do it again and continued to do it again. BUT
He had a good side and boy that good side was the best! Funny, charming, creative and ambitious and I just thought that if I could help him through it we’d would be OK.
The worst time was when I tried to break up with him and he told me he would commit suicide (he didn’t say it that nicely) if I did. When I pleaded with him he got really angry, I was sitting outside and he raced over to me grabbed me by the throat and picked me up (still holding me by the throat) and I was literally just dangling as he was holding me. (I just realised that I STILL say holding, he was STRANGLING me) Luckily my house mate come home and when she seen what was happening she stopped him and she told me to go inside and she ever so calmly said “I think you better go” and he did.
She came into the bathroom where I was curled up into a ball struggling to breathe because he’s been strangling me for a while. She put her arm around me and said nothing just held me.
To you a say THANK YOU!
But I STILL went back! Because why? I told you he was charming he knew what to say and when to say it and I thought I had no where or no one to turn too.
Until one night it happened again and he left, then I left. I left no note, nothing! I never cried I just left and moved on.
You here people say “I would just leave, I wouldn’t put up with that” You don’t know what you are going to do until you are in that situation.
Now I know this-
I was just a girl who thought she was an adult and although I knew it was wrong it was the only love I had known for a really long time. I was scared and I thought I had no where to turn. I didn’t know any different, I had no where to go and no one to turn too. But you know what? I did and you do and anywhere is better then there.
I left and promised myself that I would NEVER let that happen again. When I looked in the mirror there was new determination, new self confidence and new self respect. I would do it on my own!
And I did, and then someone walked into my life that loves me and adores me because I gave myself permission to be loved the way everyone is supposed to be loved.
Domestic Violence Facts:
•50% of women in their CURRENT relationship have been abused by her partner at least once.
•Only 12% of them call the police, the others admit living in fear (I never did, but I should have because later in his life he REALLY hurt someone they nearly died. He needed help)
•20.8% of all homicides involve intimate partners. This represents approximately 76 homicide incidents within Australia each year.
Everyone has a trigger, a point that they get too where enough is enough. It may not be physical abuse it may be verbal or sexual. But you can only do something when you are ready and you have the strength. But there is always an out and only you can make it happen.
If you don’t feel comfortable getting “help” read You Can Heal You Life by the amazing Louise Hay and go from there.
Domestic Violence Resource Site
Domestic Violence Prevention Centre