Tuesday, February 9, 2010

How to Beat the Blues When It's All Too Much!

What do you do when you don’t have Depression but you are starting to feel like the world is on your shoulders and things are getting on top of you.

How do you get yourself out?

With all the little things in life if you don’t allow your feelings to be and process them then they fester into something much bigger and it all gets too much and you crack, you feel yourself cracking, you know you’re close to the edge, so what do you do?

Do you reach out? Yes, of course but sometimes it isn’t as easy as that is it?

Sometimes you reach out and it’s taken the wrong way or they let their feelings get in they way of helping you and being there for you. People will always think of themselves and their own feelings first, it’s only natural. So as much as you say “This IS NOT about you” until your blue in the face they will still walk away thinking of themselves and thinking it IS them. Where does that leave you?

You reach out and in the end it’s still about others when for just once for a split second you wanted it to be about you, just so you can get validation and get it off your chest.

What do you do then?
Think about yourself and how you’re feeling, try to narrow the feeling down. Write it down, shake it out, breathe through it and move on. You need to validate it yourself, so sometimes you don’t have to address the person directly in order to move on.

Sometimes the people who you think will be there for you are often the ones that aren’t and vice versa the people who you think won’t be there for you often turn out to be the ones you begin to rely on. That’s the process of life and we have to trust it.

When a challenge comes your way; allow yourself to be mad, angry, frustrated or annoyed. Then ask yourself “What is life trying to teach me now, what lesson can I learn from this?”

In business you will always have the innovative thinkers, the doers and then you have the ones that will take your ideas, not think anything of it and not give reference to you. They don’t understand that joint ventures are a powerful thing if you work together you’ll have double the impact, not if I keep my cards close to my chest I’ll create possibility. But that’s OK because Entrepreneurs have so many ideas and we are not afraid to try them. So we will always be one step ahead….

Unless it has happened to someone then they can never really understand.

I remember when I was young we had a Christmas at our house Aunt’s, Uncle’s, Cousins and Granny (My Mum’s mum) and granny took all of her Grand kids out the front of our house and gave them all money for Christmas….. Except us!

My mum was most upset and it was the main topic of conversation for months, maybe even years. We said to Mum “Don’t worry about it because we don’t care” she would often respond with something like “I don’t care, she doesn’t care about me and I don’t care about her” But of course it did bother her.

I didn’t understand, until it happen to me.

Around 20 years later, seven Grand kids nearly eight. Everyone was at my house and although my Father was not there he sent all Grand kids a present except mine…

I understand now. I try to talk about it and the first thing I say is “I know it’s his loss, his choice, he made that decision” I KNOW that, but it still makes me feel crap.

Do know what everyone still says-
• It’s his loss, don’t let it get to you.

Not that easy, I know that but in that small part of your brain you wonder “Out of 5 kids why me, just one, what’s wrong with me?”

Nothing! His choice or his wife’s but that’s not the point, you have to be accountable. I was made to feel guilty in the last couple of years “Because he tries really hard with me, it’s my fault because I’m a bad daughter”

Maybe I am-
• Because I can’t pretend that you were never there,
• That you only cared when it suited you,
• You left when we needed you most and didn’t even talk about it.
• Sorry those yearly phone calls (if that) didn’t really cut it,
• That you only thought I looked good when I had an eating disorder,
• That my partner whom I love with ALL of my being “Is not good enough for me but good enough for my other sister” What the…. Idiot.
• That in 11 years you have probably called about 5 times (that’s trying really hard).
• When my first daughter was born she was not even acknowledged.
• Even when I have tried to put it behind and start a fresh, reach out you always manage to put me down and patronize me.

Because “Women in business never succeed!”

Some people think that’s funny and maybe it is just you, but I see past that persona for as funny as you maybe and all the guys think you are so funny and such a nice guy. They weren’t there to see what I saw, others maybe able forgive and I have forgiven you as well because I know it’s just you to be selfish and always take the easy way out and that’s OK because you don’t have “it” but your 4 in line does.

With that said I am done and that’s your choice. So I am not mad, angry and I don’t even hate you and from the bottom of my heart I wish you well. But I am done…

Everyone has a limit and I will not feel guilty for being true to myself, honestly and passionately. Those who love you for you will get that.

As soon as it starts to affect your day to day life you must break down your feelings into bit size chewable chucks, process it allow yourself to feel and think and move on.

Is there something that is troubling you, how do you get back on top of it?

Sunny Mummy
also has some great advice on seeing life sunny side up :)

Disclaimer: This article was written from a personal opinion and I am NOT a qualified in psychology or counselling. If you do need assistance with emotions or mental health, to seek assistance from your GP immediately.


robyn said...


reaching out is much more important - need to reach out to gp for help, referral to psychologist/psychiatrist, medications. that seems to have been fluffed over because you are saying people make it there own story. yes that is the case if you reach out to the wrong people. people need to reach out to professionals and not friends and families because no one understands it because they have not gone through it - as you point out with your kids not getting a present from your dad.

yes at work some will take offense, some will ignore it, some will come back with a reply and some will take it so personally they end up sick because the attack was so personal.

it is important to seek out the professionals and this needs to be reinforced much more. they are there to do a job and at times they don't have the skills to do it but they are there as in a gp in most towns to talk to and make sure you are safe, get some medications and start working through the feelings you are going through/why you feel you have been treated this way/that comment was so personal to you.


Bra Queen said...

Hi Robyn, Thank you so much for your input. I agree that you have to reach out to the right people however at what point should you seek the professionals help? Like if it's not Depression and you feel like you don't need meds but you need to get back on top of things? I hope that makes sense :)

I cherish your opinion and support.
Renee xx

Dhea said...

Hi Renee

Wow thanks for sharing your story... sometimes I think if you are not depressed and you are feeling blue writing it all out like you just did helps it get out of your head -- but on the next page writing what is positive, good, happy, going well is a great way to end on a positive way... because lets face it we all at some time experience things that just don't go the way we want them... and yes sometimes when you reach out to freinds we really don't know what baggage they are currently carrying as well...

thanks for sharing that was great and good reminder to all of us

Bra Queen said...

Thanks Dhea,
You know after I wrote this post I am totally at peace with myself and others, I feel so much happier. I actually didn't even realise that it was actually affecting me until I did write it down.

Thanks Again
Renee xx

robyn said...


when you are blue/down for more than two weeks, it is time to go and have a chat with the gp to see if it is a depressive disorder, or weather related depression - less sun you have, more likely you are to have depression.

nothing can be allowed to go one for a long period because the thoughts start turning negative very quickly and things can change for you so quickly that you are on that downhill slide that you didn't think you would be on.

if it is pnd they say don't allow the blues to go on for more than two weeks. i agree that is also the case for other blues. the sooner one seeks help - talking therapy, medication, someone they feel cares about them, listens to them, the more likely they can turn around.

family life events though make things hard to get over, forgive and forget. sometime though one has to let go of the things that upset us about our upbringing and get on with our own lives.


ps you are doing a great job. i have a friend who has a site/cause - white wreath inc - action against suicide and i think the two of you should join the cause/your group because it would be great for the two of you to work through depressive illnesses. have a look on my facebook page/put in fanita clark and she should come up - tell her i referred you.

Bra Queen said...

Thanks Robyn :)

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