Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

People want different things from a relationship. Some want to be in love, some want to a casual sexual relationship, some want romance, some want a provider, some want someone who they can be close to...a friend.

It takes time to find someone who wants the same as you. There are also pressures from friends and family about relationships and it can be hard to figure out what it is you actually want. Whether you are single and looking for love or are in a relationship it is important that you-

Take time and ask yourself;

* What I do want from a relationship?
* What do I want?
* What qualities do I like in person
* What are some of my qualities that will appeal to others?
* What don't I want and like?

A healthy relationship is based on respect

Respect is when you are treated fairly and they accept you for who you are and what you have to say.

A healthy relationship is when:

* You have fun together
* You can both be yourself
* You have a friendship, not just a physical relationship
* You can have different opinions and interests without being pressured to change your mind.
* You listen to each other
* You both compromise
* You know you can spend time with other people and not be together all the time

Is Jealously love?

Jealously at first may seem like passion, love or romance but when someone uses anger or jealously to try and control what you do then that is an act that they are trying to own you. This isn't love...it's control

Warning Signs of an abusive relationship

Any one of these things is enough to indicate that something isn't right whether you realise it or not... or maybe you know and you're dismissing it?

* Controls you- wants to know your every move and checks up on you and won't allow you to make decisions.

* Is jealous- is suspicious of you and you find yourself always watching what or when you say something in case it upsets them.

* Isolates you- Cuts you off from friends, family and even themselves.

* Lacks respect- puts you down, criticises you a lot and makes you feel bad about yourself.

* Is often angry- angers easily, yells and shouts; complains about other people; makes harsh judgements about others; becomes really annoyed with anyone who doesn't agree with them.

* Blames everybody else- Blames everything on other people and never admits or apologies for their mistakes.

* Pressures you- Pressures you to say or do things you don't want to do.

Often the word abuse or abusive is easily dismissed because we tend to think of it as domestic violence and sexual however abuse includes-

* Emotional
* Physical
* Sexual
* Financial
* Social

What to do?

Working out whether to stay with someone or break up with them will be the hardest decision you will have to make especially if you have children. Maybe you love them, you feel like you'd be nothing without them or lost without them. You'll have to start again. Maybe you feel trapped or scared of what they might do if you leave.

Talk to someone it will help you decide what to do, you don't have to go through this alone. Talk to a friend, family or a counsellor....but talk.


* Tell someone and ask for help you can not control their anger.
* Have a code word that you can use with a friend so if you're in danger you can let them know.
* Contact 000 (Australia) or the emergency number in your country
* Always have money available
* Apply for an AVO- Apprehended Violence Order.
* Contact a counselling service or a helpline.

Emergency- 000
Police- 131 444
Kids Helpline- 1800 551 800
Domestic Violence Line- 1800 67 14 42

Although you are scared of the unknown and you feel you are alone you are not there are people with you all the way.


Anonymous said...

Thanks, Renee.

This is a great article! This is very close to my heart and I'm thrilled that others are writing about it and raising awareness.

Bra Queen said...

Thank you! It's all about raising awareness and the more we let others know that we're by their side the better we will be. Great things are waiting for us just around the corner and everything is always OK :)

Kimee said...

Great article Ms Bra Queen. I like the fact that you suggest thinking about what you *don't* want in a relationships.

Often time people (mainly, women) are too focused on what they DO want, that they end up overlooking 'negative qualities' that lead to major problems in the past.

I wish I would have read this 5 years ago.

Bra Queen said...

Thanks Kimee!
I know I ask myself what I don't want in all areas of my life. I find it gives me clarity on what I do want. It also paints a clearer picture when you describe it to someone else.

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