Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Lost You in Motherhood?

A friend of mine just asked this:-

Does anyone else feel like they have lost "themselves" since having kid/s? Don't get me wrong, I love both my kids very much, and often sit in wonder and stare at them, proud of myself, but I still feel like I've lost something in order to have them...

Yes, and this is why I drink! Ha.

There are so many aspects to this so I’ll start from the beginning:-

Pregnancy- Just when your career is going exactly how you want it too, you find out our pregnant, which is great, fantastic you’re just delighted.

Then you realize that ‘OH Ok’ so my life changes NOW, Mmmm didn’t really think of that!
But that’s ok I can get over the feeling of having a hangover for 3 months and if I thought my thighs were big before that’s nothing compared to what they’re going to get! Just when I think my breasts really couldn’t get any bigger, Oh hello they are.

Then you here your partner say ‘I don’t know if I’m ready for this’

All you want to do is say F@#K Off you have 9 months to get used to the idea! My life has changed NOW! They think just because you’re woman you’re not scared and afraid because hey isn’t that why God made Eve?

But we’re still positive and every time someone says ‘Oh your whole life is going to change & you may not want to come back to work’ and you’re like what do you mean how hard can it be, I’ll be back at work full time when that baby is 6 months!

Meanwhile your partner is still having Friday night drinks with the boys, feeling great and pretending that your fat arse doesn’t bother him ‘Because you’re pregnant’ even though you stopped looking at it in the mirror months ago!

Then you have the baby and the adrenalin in pumping and although you haven’t slept for more then 2 hours you’re still pumping because if you stop you’re going to crack.
Your support network which you thought you would have an amazing one, but soon realize that they aren’t available at 3am and they do work during the day most days.

Meanwhile your partner is back at work still life hasn’t really changed apart from the 2 hours at the end of their day. But nooooo I can’t change that ONE dirty nappy because it makes me feel sick!
Hello I have felt like I was going to throw up for the last how long????????
‘And plus you know, I have to get up and go to work and I’m sooo busy at the moment. So I just want to sit down for 5 minutes.’
I’m sorry haven’t you sat down all day, had lunch break, spoke to somebody and actually finished a conversation?

After 3 weeks and the adrenalin has long gone the visitors have stopped coming over you come crashing back to reality and that’s when you start to think ‘You have lost yourself’

So YES we do give up a piece of ourselves as well as our pelvic floor, our self esteem, our bodies, our breasts and peace and quiet.

But this topic is FAR from over. I think we’ve only just begun. So stay tuned…….


Jamieson Ella Hunter said...

it's more than just having a day to myself to do things... its like, even my brain processes are very different. Obviously I will put my kids' needs first, but what about how I have come to let "other people" do what they like before I say what I want. Then I ask myself if it is easier to just have them do that than for me to cause a war. And why is it a war?! Thats not who I am. And I'm not ME if I don't get to do the things that make me happy... where have I gone?!

Anonymous said... beautiful baby boy is two and a half and I feel like I have only just started to find myself again. So much time and love has gone into providing a good solid support system for him that I forgot about me. Now I feel like I've done a great job, he's secure and happy and now its time for me. Many say to me I've left it a bit late but I tried a long time for my baby and I am happy with how I've done it. But yeah I am just starting to feel the tingles of me again. It feels like a good balance now!

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