Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Day 18- Love Your Life Challenge, Why it makes you angry!

Get out your “What made me angry list”

•Read over it and highlight things that are recurring.
•Sum up each point- The root of the problem or the cause.

Was it a pet peeve or was something that made you feel quite bad?

* Ask yourself why you think it made you feel that way?
* Why it caused you to have that reaction?
It maybe something that was drummed into you as a child, it maybe a fear or it reminds you of a feeling you had when you were younger and you didn't like feeling that way.

For example-
A pet peeve or a small annoyance for me is when my partner comes home and makes a subtle, maybe not so subtle remark about the house being untidy or whatever.
Please note- I have 2 kids under 3 and have without a doubt picked the same stuff up 500 times that day :)
Core Problem- The feeling of "It not being good enough"
Why does it annoy me?
In High School my Mum used to work and not get home until 6:30pm so it was my responsibility do get the clothes off the line, do the housework blah blah blah. If it wasn't done when my Mum came home she would be quite upset.

It made me feel like it wasn't good enough, not a major thing however years later I still get annoyed at him for making me feel that way.

Moving On- I now know where it comes from and why it annoys me so I can move on and I can tell Chris "It's no biggy but I don't like it when...."

Bigger Issues-

I HATE when people think or make me feel stupid. I know a lot of people would hate this however it makes me REALLY upset.

When I was 13 we had just moved to a new town. I had just started school I didn’t know anyone and was quite nervous.
I was in my Science class and the teacher asked me question which I didn’t know the answer to.
I told him I didn’t know (I had NEVER done a science class before they didn’t have it at my last school, not for Year 8)
He was laughing and then continued to forcefully explain the answer. I was so belittled and so embarrassed I wasn’t listening, I was just looking around the class room devastated because everyone was looking at me trying to tell me the answer but my head was spinning and I just couldn’t get any words out. Just wishing the ground would swallow me up!
After the class he called for me and said “I should have stopped but I was having to much fun, Sorry.” He says still laughing.
Then one of the boys in my Science class then told all of his friends “That new girl isn’t very bright”

That is why!
For years I had always hated when people made me feel stupid, I had no idea until I did this exercise and remembered that all of those years ago Mr. Murphy did that me.

You may think your “issue” comes from no where but I guarantee you it does! It may not come to you straight away but keep thinking it will!

Why are we doing this?
1.Once you understand where it stems from you can lay it to rest. For myself knowing and remembering Mr. Murphy I can say “It wasn’t me being stupid!
It was him intimidating and belittling me to a point of humiliation” That doesn’t make me stupid! I did what every kid would have done, it makes HIM stupid.

2.If it’s something recurring then we need an action plan to fix it. If it involves another person you need to sit down, work through and come to a consensus to remove the problem. Again, validate your feelings so you can eliminate them and move on.

I got so much out of this exercise, I hope you did too.
Was it easy for you to remember or difficult?


Walter said...

Are reactions are the consequences of our past experiences and by not being aware of this we will continue to react on a situation that rekindles our past. The process of evolving is not easy, old habits are hard to break; it takes time and discipline to make a true change.

The wisdom you have shared here is a powerful way to improved ourselves. :-)

Bra Queen said...

Thank you Walter! The journey is not easy but a definitely worthwhile when you get there.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I checked over my "list" and basically what annoys, upsets and makes me mad is people who have lack of respect for me and others. Actually I did discover not much actually makes me mad I only really get annoyed and a bit upset. I had one night which involved my sons runny poo and a dog running away with his jocks through my carpeted bedroom now that got me quite angry! But other that that just annoyed!
I try to take a deep breathe and let things go adn move on.
My annoyances are things like eating noises and lack of respect for others. My "family" I married into boy do they know how to show total disrespect towards ALL people they encounter from the milkbar owner to their own blood. Now that's a mine field! So I've worked out I avoid them at all costs really adn that's working for me - much happier!

But throughout the years I've started to work out things stand up for myself a it more and avoid situations that cause me grief.
Some people say I pull back as I dont like to get hurt...they're right too much pain in the past well that will do it!
But I'm happy with my life at the moment I'm gettingtoward the 40 mark and I think really experience and time has shown me the way to being a better me.

Chantal Fleming said...

I agree, this was interesting. I found that on a number of occasions I got upset because the person's reaction wasn't what I expected - how silly is it?! I know I have clipped my husband for the exact same thing, but didn't realise that I was doing it myself.

A lot of it comes back to hating not being in control, so there's still many lessons to be learnt. This was a great way to showcase this.

Bra Queen said...

Me to Bell! Most of mine were really silly but once I realized why they drive me nuts, I really do just laugh off now and it doesn't bother me that much now. I feel I have recognition and therefore some pet peeves are no longer my pet peeves.

Chantal- I know no matter how old you get, you feel more comfortable in your own skin however you always learn new things about yourself! I love that :)

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