Get out your “What made me angry list”
•Read over it and highlight things that are recurring.
•Sum up each point- The root of the problem or the cause.
Was it a pet peeve or was something that made you feel quite bad?
* Ask yourself why you think it made you feel that way?
* Why it caused you to have that reaction?
It maybe something that was drummed into you as a child, it maybe a fear or it reminds you of a feeling you had when you were younger and you didn't like feeling that way.
A pet peeve or a small annoyance for me is when my partner comes home and makes a subtle, maybe not so subtle remark about the house being untidy or whatever.
Please note- I have 2 kids under 3 and have without a doubt picked the same stuff up 500 times that day :)
Core Problem- The feeling of "It not being good enough"
Why does it annoy me?
In High School my Mum used to work and not get home until 6:30pm so it was my responsibility do get the clothes off the line, do the housework blah blah blah. If it wasn't done when my Mum came home she would be quite upset.
It made me feel like it wasn't good enough, not a major thing however years later I still get annoyed at him for making me feel that way.
Moving On- I now know where it comes from and why it annoys me so I can move on and I can tell Chris "It's no biggy but I don't like it when...."
I HATE when people think or make me feel stupid. I know a lot of people would hate this however it makes me REALLY upset.
When I was 13 we had just moved to a new town. I had just started school I didn’t know anyone and was quite nervous.
I was in my Science class and the teacher asked me question which I didn’t know the answer to.
I told him I didn’t know (I had NEVER done a science class before they didn’t have it at my last school, not for Year 8)
He was laughing and then continued to forcefully explain the answer. I was so belittled and so embarrassed I wasn’t listening, I was just looking around the class room devastated because everyone was looking at me trying to tell me the answer but my head was spinning and I just couldn’t get any words out. Just wishing the ground would swallow me up!
After the class he called for me and said “I should have stopped but I was having to much fun, Sorry.” He says still laughing.
Then one of the boys in my Science class then told all of his friends “That new girl isn’t very bright”
That is why!
For years I had always hated when people made me feel stupid, I had no idea until I did this exercise and remembered that all of those years ago Mr. Murphy did that me.
You may think your “issue” comes from no where but I guarantee you it does! It may not come to you straight away but keep thinking it will!
Why are we doing this?
1.Once you understand where it stems from you can lay it to rest. For myself knowing and remembering Mr. Murphy I can say “It wasn’t me being stupid!
It was him intimidating and belittling me to a point of humiliation” That doesn’t make me stupid! I did what every kid would have done, it makes HIM stupid.
2.If it’s something recurring then we need an action plan to fix it. If it involves another person you need to sit down, work through and come to a consensus to remove the problem. Again, validate your feelings so you can eliminate them and move on.
I got so much out of this exercise, I hope you did too.
Was it easy for you to remember or difficult?