Friday, December 18, 2009

Do You Smack Your Kids?

Is smacking your children appropriate behavior?

For YEARS I have heard people bang on about "The Terrible Two's" but I had no problem with Maddison. HOWEVER 3 on the other hand is a different story, man o man is she testing/naughty/driving me mental.

What is the appropriate discipline to Smack, Time out, Naughty Spot what?

Personally I am totally opposed to smacking and it makes me sick to my stomach even to think about it, don't get me wrong I have WANTED to and thought about it but never have and never will. In saying that I have heaps of friends who smack their kids and I DO NOT judge them for it, everyone is different and there is no right or wrong in my eyes. Unless of course you are betting your child to a pulp or if you hit your child it's because YOU are mad or frustrated not because you are trying to discipline them, then that is a different story.

It is such a dilemma because you REALLY don't want to raise a little shit, you have the older generation saying "I hit you kids and it didn't hurt you" or your partner saying "Clearly time out is NOT working we have to smack her"

What do you do?

I contemplate smacking thinking "OK maybe I am wrong, maybe it would work?" and when you hear "She is such a disrespectful little shit at the moment" SHE IS 3!

But after thinking about it for 2 seconds is just does not sit well with me and I do not feel comfortable with and if I do not feel comfortable with it, then that's OK because you have to be true to yourself and if it doesn't sit well, then it will not happen and it's as simple as that.

Where does that leave us? I don't know hopefully not with a spoilt, disrespectful little girl!

How do you discipline your children when time out is not working?

What kind of children are we creating Control Your Kids!
Guilt Free Parenting at Real Mums


Craig Tyler said...

Hi Renee, as you're aware I also have a 3yo daughter (3yr 5 months). This is a very normal stage of their life where they will push the boundaries. It's part of growing up and learning what is right/wrong. It's our jobs as parents to teach them right.

It is also a very important time for the parents to enforce punishments for bad behaviour. Like you, I cannot bring myself to actually smack Paige. I think this comes from being beaten as a child by my father (he went to jail for many years). The old fashion way can cause more damage than good. Control is crucial.

I'm not totally against smacking chaildren. The problem is alot of parents, in my opinion, that do, I find do it while frustrated, angry, tired, etc. This is a particuly bad time to do it as the parent doesn't have full mental or physical control which is needed in these situations. I also know of parents that scream at their kids which I feel can cause them to fire back.

When Paige becomes out of control it's quite often due to being tired (9/10 times). Nap time :)

The most effective punishment that works for me is simply sending her to her room to "cool off".
I will always explain to her why I'm doing this so she is aware, which gives her something to think about. 10-15 minutes later she always comes out apologizing for her actions.

We will then have another talk, again explaining why the behaviour is unacceptable. I will get her to repeat to me what she's done wrong to confirm she's listened and most importantly understands. Don't ever under-estimate what they'll understand. Kids this age are smart, they do understand if spoken to in a civil way.
We must respect them, and respect will eventually come in return.

There are many different methods out there and I'm no expert. I just know what works for my family. Also getting your children involved in everyday tasks, giving them daily chores, gives them a feeling of accomplishment. Reward with praises, tell them you love them often. Tell them they've done a great job.

I feel communication and understanding your kids feelings/needs are the key. We all need to be in tune. It's how we respond which often determines the outcome.

Love and nurture your kids, and they will in return. They grow up way too quick. Cherish them always :)


Imogen Lamport, AICI CIP said...

I SO do not believe in smacking. All it tells kids is that when you are bigger than them you can hit them, even though you tell them not to hit their siblings/friends.

So it creates mixed messages for them.

There are many ways to enfore rules and boundaries without resorting to violence.

Also, since it is illegal (assult) to hit an adult, why is it not illegal to hit/smack a child?

Violence begats violence. enough said.

Bra Queen said...

I totally agree with you both, I will not hit my children. It's such a crazy time of year and if you look at it through their little eyes it must be so confusing for them and they just have to adjust.
Violence does breed violence, I am a victim of abuse and there is no way in this world I would ever want my children to ever feel the way I felt.
Monkey see monkey do, I would feel like such a hypocrite if I did.

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